I thought I will never come back here again. Because whenever I felt like writing something, I went blank.
Now, I can’t believe I am writing this as my come back post. After a journey of 3 years of my life; pregnancy- miscarriage- pregnancy- childbirth- motherhood. My whole life took a stand still and all my creativity was dumped deep inside. Now that I recall, I remember I haven’t penned, painted anything during those times. Did few doodles during my pregnancy out of boredom. But that’s it.
It was weekend, people had gathered at our house and enjoying the feast. As usual I am liking it that least. I tend to fall for silence in a crowded place, even if the crowd is my own like my family and relatives. She wat I somehow still managed to give it a smile and enjoy. Few moments later, I decided to get plum cake and distribute in the occasion.
The cake Shop was next to my house so I booked the order and came home to get money. But the Shop keeper gave me the entire cake loaf instead of the two pieces that I had ordered. Generally, I return such stuff but this time I kept it. This was unusual.
I return home to the ladies and their endless discussion of what to with the leftover rice from the dinner. I was insisting everyone to eat the cake and forget about the rice. I see my sister and aunt feeding a child and I go over them to offer the cake ignoring the ladies with the left over rice. 😉
And the rest I don’t remember…
Few days later, I m sleeping and my hubby comes to me and asks wats wrong . I nod my head for a no. He insists on reacting for whatever he did to me; and he came running towards me to give me a punch in the stomach. I clench my first and tilted my face but never took my hand to stop him. That bothered him a lot.
As I lay there motionless, I hear him being upset about me not eating and talking to people. He was coversing with his dad about how unhappy i was and how no one notices it.
“Something is really wrong with her paapa…I can’t see her like this.”
“When I tried to fake hit her, she dint even stop me. After confronting also she won’t utter a word. I m really worried.”
He was very upset and dis-hearted. It was somewhere in the middle of the nigh, he decided to call up couple of people and not to sit it out. He got a reference from his pal to a Psychiatrist.
He takes me there the same night and as I am conversing with the doc as to wat had happened… That is when I realise that I don’t remember as to what happened the last weekend. So doc decided to hypnotise me . And she starts the process and I remember having a miscarriage the previous weekend after the family get together. (As a fact, I knew about my first miscarriage even before doc confirming about it with a scan) I scream at the top of my voice and I notice my 15 month old baby next to me screams the exact way in her dreams.
As i cuddle her and sooth her back to sleep I question myself, Is there a connection with the mother and the baby…?! I hve heard so, they all say so. I knew about the physical connection though But this kind of subconscious level connection! That too the reverse way. I m stunned! I have heard mother waking up before the child waking up for the night feeds but nothing like this.
It still stays as a mystery as to wat happened to my kid in her dreams. Did she feel my dreams too? She is still recovering from her shock while I am penning this down.
I have always had a special connection with my dreams and subconscious mind. But this one shook me off from the ground below.