Three things cannot be long hidden, The Sun, The Moon and
Point of view as a they.
I HOLD THE SUN.
Waiting for the end,
I want the end.
Done with the race of life,
Done with the competition,
Done with running away from people,
Done with the goddamn LIFE
Where is the PRIZE?
Hurts in the head,
Hurts in the mind;
Feels like putting my hand inside
And setting things apart
Where is the RELIEF?
In Thy mind, I fail.
In my mind, U fail.
@ The end, WE ALL FAIL.
Where is the SUCCESS?
Bewilderment and things left unsaid,
Understanding and things said to hear out,
Where is the END?
Finding the beginning
The start of the loop,
At least THE END
Everything has to come to an end,
I want the end.
Image courtesy: Rebecca Bostic
Everyone experiences an unhappy mood or an unhappy occasion, but there is a big difference between people experiencing a short time of unhappiness and people who live with it throughout.
Yes! You heard it right; there are people like this around you.
And, they are called Chronically Unhappy People.
These people are often afraid to admit it; most of their unhappiness stems from their own beliefs and behaviors which they often blame it on others esp., the very next individual available. Be it their best friend, a road side vendor, a watchman, a beggar, anyone for the matter. They have negative beliefs and behaviors on each and everything available on earth.
I really, cannot handle these breed of People, for the reason that they always beg others for love, respect and attention. And, these are the things which you should earn by yourself rather than begging.
And notice that these CUP’s avoid solitude to the core. Being alone, means dealing with your own true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on. They can’t survive being alone, not because they feel cynical, but they miss out people, whom they can blame on for their feelings. GET IT!
They constantly feel that the grass is always greener on the other side. They alone want to experience all the happiness in the World. If someone else is happy, they start cribbing about their life, not because they are not happy; but because the other person is happy. They never ever notice that the grass is greener under their own feet too.
Nobody is happy all of the time. And that’s a well known fact. So, stop cribbing about others being happy. They also do experience unhappy feelings; which they wrap up and toss it out, unlike you.
So just GROW UP and Move On!
Love yourself, and for god’s sake, stop comparing yourself with others.
Others may hold your happiness temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
Hopefully that gives you something for a better change.
There’s only one thing in the world, which is complicated yet beautiful; LIFE.
Monday: Jostling with thoughts and memories about the weekend & the past life.
The day starts with the professional mailbox flooding in with emails. As and then I check my mails, and to do task bar, I remember all the work I have been doing as a Marketing Executive. Pending follow ups, updating PR’s, publishing news & data collection etc… I almost feel like you have entered into a different world.
I am so much a different person than I was during my weekend. I almost end up feeling like; the person who spent my weekend was my Alter Ego.
Tuesday: To do list always running at the back of my mind.
The day starts with the memory of Monday’s tasks. Plans for the coming week- I sincerely plan for the events, change in schedules, appointments. I’m so much in sync with my job.
I’m so much like a Monday person, efficient, hard working, where much dedicated to your profession.
Wednesday: Everything thing in sync with my profession.
The day is smooth as butter, which all the work, deadlines and follow ups on the go without much hassle. I plan all the work process, reports and developments for the next week. I do plan for the weekend outings, family get together, friends meet up 😛
But, I am much drifting apart from my professional work. I have plan for my personal life, my career, my passion. I think of things that I can do apart from my professional life.
Thursday: I have a different plan running in my mind.
The day is full off plans, what to do with your weekend, friend, career plans. To do lists for my career, meetings, discussions, tie-ups & your family get together etc.
Friday: I’m out of sync with my job.
I’m no longer determined with my job; I just do work to just end the day. I just want to run home and do those things, which I like the most. I no longer want to work for 9-6 jobs.
I’m losing it; I want to run away from this mechanical life. I end the day which much difficulty and all that I want to do is to get back home and relax.
Saturday: The day of Enjoyment.
The day I was looking for; the way I want my life to be. My Career is my center of attraction. My subconscious mind is my master, the Master which was submerged.
I do take my career to the upmost level and cherish. I meditate, I live; I’m on my subconscious mind’s control, and I just Love it.
Sunday: The most genuine part of your life.
This is the day which I like the most. The day spent with my friends and family. The day which is less calculative and less controlled by the technology. I am like the Real ME.
I’m like a super hero of my life. I’m the producer, I’m the director and I’m the actor. I’m so much in sync with my memories and thoughts. I’m so much in sync with myself.
The Monday: I’m so much into a different world again.
The brief description of my weekly tasks is so complicated and yet I love my life. We all have an Ultimate Gift- The Memory. We all can just switch off and on our memories depending on to the place of work. The Beauty lies in how much you are in sync with your own memory & mind- technology (memo-logy)
The Life is no wonder complicate; yet, you embrace the complexity and you know it’s all defined to be complicated and you just work, live accordingly. We all are defined to be working in certain manner; you just need to tune yourself in that path, subconsciously.
Kudos to our Memories!!
…I was dropped back home with the same unfelt feel of reality. I just dropped on the couch to overcome the most straining journey ever. After the wakeup call from the hospital, people around me realized that I was in verge to die.
I was soon rushed to the hospital and admitted. I was running out of the most important part of my blood (platelets) it had come down to such a low level that, all my veins were narrowed. Nurses were struggling to get a vein to put me on IV. I was poked around at as many places at once.
My Blood pressure was running very low. My pulse had reached 30-34. I was hurried away under the Electrocardiography, Scanning, and x-ray within a span of 30 minutes.
I was shocked with the treatment that my body was receiving. The doctor recommended for an immediate transfusion, and advised the nurses to keep a closer eye on me. That moment, I felt like I was under the scanner to know even a minute change in me.
This transition in this one hour put me to a state which made me spooky. I realized that I was on the death bed and anything could happen now. I just wanted to hug my husband so tightly that all of my broken pieces would stick back together. I missed my mommy’s innocent, caring and lovely face. I was worried about my dad. I wanted to meet my best friends. With those thoughts I remembered that I had to meet my friends the next day for a get- together.
With those eternal thoughts, wishes and memories I felt like I was entering into the state of eternal rest. I just wanted say by last lovely words to my lovely people. It was on the verge of death, I could feel the every nano second of life.
I understood that Memories define us. Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives. I lived through it. I felt the verge of death…
The bedroom was filled with the heat of my restlessness. The room was dark; windows were closed so tightly, that not enough fresh air could pass in, even by delusion. I felt the rush of emergency in the room. Struggling to open my eyes, seeing through the heavy air around, I saw my mom’s face wondering and fostering to comfort me.
It was quite a relishing sight early in the morning. Struggling to breathe, I held her hand and asked her to take me home. Unfortunately, I got an improper reaction. Fighting against it, I adieu her. She left the room with tautness on her face.
Recollecting the stages of my illness, I fell asleep in no time. May be I went unconscious due to fatigue!!
Waking with the urge to throw up, I ran to the bathroom with my fragile steps. The journey from my bed to the bathroom seemed electric. I could feel the death steps through each of my hurl. Holding to the nearby things, I just fell on the floor with blood spilled all over the floor and sink. My agonising pain alarmed my hubby through the walls and the floor. He came rushing towards me. It went hell on wheels for me to get over from it.
All the way through, I was just wavering from the fatality to life. I was torn apart due to my illness. The blood that was left in my food pipe, tongue could be felt with each and every inhale and retract.
I was rushed to the hospital for a blood test. I could hardly feel the reality; all the vehicles were moving in slow motion for me, with very low volume. I was floating in the air, with no active locomotive moments. It felt, as if I was losing the connection with the reality. I was travelling to a different world altogether, the light was too bright for me to open my eyes fully.
I was made to sit to draw blood for the test; though I could hardly see the pathologist, I could hear her trained words, which was trying to distract me from the needle prick. I wanted to make her aware that, I was way too ahead to be distracted, so that she can easily draw blood ; which I didn’t succeed in, unfortunately!
and still, after all this time, the sun never says to the earth - "you owe me."
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