View From The Third Eye

The Unseen Side!

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The connection…

I thought I will never come back here again. Because whenever I felt like writing something, I went blank.

Now, I can’t believe I am writing this as my come back post. After a journey of 3 years of my life; pregnancy- miscarriage- pregnancy- childbirth- motherhood. My whole life took a stand still and all my creativity was dumped deep inside. Now that I recall, I remember I haven’t penned, painted anything during those times. Did few doodles during my pregnancy out of boredom. But that’s it.

It was weekend, people had gathered at our house and enjoying the feast. As usual I am liking it that least. I tend to fall for silence in a crowded place, even if the crowd is my own like my family and relatives. She wat I somehow still managed to give it a smile and enjoy. Few moments later, I decided to get plum cake and distribute in the occasion.

The cake Shop was next to my house so I booked the order and came home to get money. But the Shop keeper gave me the entire cake loaf instead of the two pieces that I had ordered. Generally, I return such stuff but this time I kept it. This was unusual.

I return home to the ladies and their endless discussion of what to with the leftover rice from the dinner. I was insisting everyone to eat the cake and forget about the rice. I see my sister and aunt feeding a child and I go over them to offer the cake ignoring the ladies with the left over rice. 😉

And the rest I don’t remember…

Few days later, I m sleeping and my hubby comes to me and asks wats wrong . I nod my head for a no. He insists on reacting for whatever he did to me; and he came running towards me to give me a punch in the stomach. I clench my first and tilted my face but never took my hand to stop him. That bothered him a lot.
As I lay there motionless, I hear him being upset about me not eating and talking to people. He was coversing with his dad about how unhappy i was and how no one notices it.

“Something is really wrong with her paapa…I can’t see her like this.”
“When I tried to fake hit her, she dint even stop me. After confronting also she won’t utter a word. I m really worried.”

He was very upset and dis-hearted. It was somewhere in the middle of the nigh, he decided to call up couple of people and not to sit it out. He got a reference from his pal to a Psychiatrist.

He takes me there the same night and as I am conversing with the doc as to wat had happened… That is when I realise that I don’t remember as to what happened the last weekend. So doc decided to hypnotise me . And she starts the process and I remember having a miscarriage the previous weekend after the family get together. (As a fact, I knew about my first miscarriage even before doc confirming about it with a scan)  I scream at the top of my voice and I notice my 15 month old baby next to me screams the exact way in her dreams.

As i cuddle her and sooth her back to sleep I question myself, Is there a connection with the mother and the baby…?! I hve heard so, they all say so. I knew about the physical connection though But this kind of subconscious level connection! That too the reverse way. I m stunned! I have heard mother waking up before the child waking up for the night feeds but nothing like this.

It still stays as a mystery as to wat happened to my kid in her dreams. Did she feel my dreams too? She is still recovering from her shock while I am penning this down.

I have always had a special connection with my dreams and subconscious mind. But this one shook me off from the ground below.

Perspective

Three things cannot be long hidden, The Sun, The Moon and

The Perspective.

Point of view as a they.

I HOLD THE SUN.

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My Mind

head

The end,

Waiting for the end,

I want the end.

 

Done with the race of life,

Done with the competition,

Done with running away from people,

Done with the goddamn LIFE

Where is the PRIZE?

 

It hurts,

Hurts in the head,

Hurts in the mind;

Feels like putting my hand inside

And setting things apart

Where is the RELIEF?

 

Fail

In Thy mind, I fail.

In my mind, U fail.

@ The end, WE ALL FAIL.

Where is the SUCCESS?

 

Bewilderment and things left unsaid,

Created unhappiness

Understanding and things said to hear out,

Created Trouble

Where is the END?

 

Finding the beginning

The start of the loop,

At least THE END

 

Everything has to come to an end,

Sometime…

Waiting….

 

The end,

I want the end.

 

Image courtesy: Rebecca Bostic

The World War III – Happy V/s Unhappy

bigstock-Comedy-TragedyEveryone experiences an unhappy mood or an unhappy occasion, but there is a big difference between people experiencing a short time of unhappiness and people who live with it throughout.

Yes! You heard it right; there are people like this around you.

And, they are called Chronically Unhappy People.

These people are often afraid to admit it; most of their unhappiness stems from their own beliefs and behaviors which they often blame it on others esp., the very next individual available. Be it their best friend, a road side vendor, a watchman, a beggar, anyone for the matter.  They have negative beliefs and behaviors on each and everything available on earth.

I really, cannot handle these breed of People, for the reason that they always beg others for love, respect and attention. And, these are the things which you should earn by yourself rather than begging.

And notice that these CUP’s avoid solitude to the core. Being alone, means dealing with your own true feelings: fear, anxiety, happiness, anger, joy, resentment, disappointment, anticipation, sadness, excitement, despair, and so on. They can’t survive being alone, not because they feel cynical, but they miss out people, whom they can blame on for their feelings.  GET IT!

They constantly feel that the grass is always greener on the other side. They alone want to experience all the happiness in the World. If someone else is happy, they start cribbing about their life, not because they are not happy; but because the other person is happy. They never ever notice that the grass is greener under their own feet too.

Nobody is happy all of the time. And that’s a well known fact. So, stop cribbing about others being happy. They also do experience unhappy feelings; which they wrap up and toss it out, unlike you.

So just GROW UP and Move On!

Love yourself, and for god’s sake, stop comparing yourself with others.

Others may hold your happiness temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.

Hopefully that gives you something for a better change.

 

Broken!

Broken

We all have broken hearts, broken lives, yet we withstand all. maybe, that is what defines us!

Sometimes you break a thing in the right way, if you know what I mean!

IMG_20140122_104545 IMG_20140122_104517 IMG_20140122_111526

For people who are being deceitful and liars…

IMG_6893For- Blogging 101: Write to Your Dream Reader

Dishonesty, lying, cheating, betrayal, and you name it and it HURTS; whether experienced by your closed ones or you experiencing one by yourself.

The New YOU…

You Lie; always. I know that, but still I behave innocent. Not because I can’t face it, but not to put you in a difficult situation of facing your discomfort. But, eventually, I feel I am lying to myself by cheating on you and your thoughts.

They say Lying is done with words, and also with silence. You are doing the former one and me the latter.  Both are a part of this cruelty. Those who lie for you will lie against you; I don’t want you to be that person, and neither do I want to be one. So, please stop lying to me and passively maddening me to lie to you.

No individual cheats on others purposefully and of course, it’s done to hide a secret.  But what is the point in being unfaithful to the loved ones? And even if you are unfaithful, then you are no more a loved one. Hurt me with a truth, but never comfort me with lie.

There are things, which you think that I am unaware of. But you are the one who is unaware of the thing that I am aware of all those stuff that you are hiding from me, and those possessions that you are doing behind my back.

Big Or Small, Lies Are Lies.

Bear in mind that, never push a loyal person to a point where they no longer give a DAMN.

 

The Beauty of the Complicated Life…

ComplexityThere’s only one thing in the world, which is complicated yet beautiful; LIFE.

Monday: Jostling with thoughts and memories about the weekend & the past life.

The day starts with the professional mailbox flooding in with emails. As and then I check my mails, and to do task bar, I remember all the work I have been doing as a Marketing Executive. Pending follow ups, updating PR’s, publishing news & data collection etc… I almost feel like you have entered into a different world.

I am so much a different person than I was during my weekend. I almost end up feeling like; the person who spent my weekend was my Alter Ego.

Tuesday: To do list always running at the back of my mind.

The day starts with the memory of Monday’s tasks. Plans for the coming week- I sincerely plan for the events, change in schedules, appointments. I’m so much in sync with my job.

I’m so much like a Monday person, efficient, hard working, where much dedicated to your profession.

Wednesday: Everything thing in sync with my profession.

The day is smooth as butter, which all the work, deadlines and follow ups on the go without much hassle. I plan all the work process, reports and developments for the next week. I do plan for the weekend outings, family get together, friends meet up 😛

But, I am much drifting apart from my professional work. I have plan for my personal life, my career, my passion. I think of things that I can do apart from my professional life.

Thursday: I have a different plan running in my mind.

The day is full off plans, what to do with your weekend, friend, career plans. To do lists for my career, meetings, discussions, tie-ups & your family get together etc.

Friday: I’m out of sync with my job.

I’m no longer determined with my job; I just do work to just end the day. I just want to run home and do those things, which I like the most. I no longer want to work for 9-6 jobs.

I’m losing it; I want to run away from this mechanical life. I end the day which much difficulty and all that I want to do is to get back home and relax.

Saturday: The day of Enjoyment.

The day I was looking for; the way I want my life to be.  My Career is my center of attraction. My subconscious mind is my master, the Master which was submerged.

I do take my career to the upmost level and cherish. I meditate, I live; I’m on my subconscious mind’s control, and I just Love it.

 Sunday: The most genuine part of your life.

This is the day which I like the most. The day spent with my friends and family. The day which is less calculative and less controlled by the technology. I am like the Real ME.

I’m like a super hero of my life. I’m the producer, I’m the director and I’m the actor. I’m so much in sync with my memories and thoughts. I’m so much in sync with myself.

The Monday: I’m so much into a different world again.

The brief description of my weekly tasks is so complicated and yet I love my life.  We all have an Ultimate Gift- The Memory. We all can just switch off and on our memories depending on to the place of work. The Beauty lies in how much you are in sync with your own memory & mind- technology (memo-logy)

The Life is no wonder complicate; yet, you embrace the complexity and you know it’s all defined to be complicated and you just work, live accordingly.  We all are defined to be working in certain manner; you just need to tune yourself in that path, subconsciously.

Kudos to our Memories!!

 

Verge of Death…

continued from 

…I was dropped back home with the same unfelt feel of reality. I just dropped on the couch to overcome the most straining journey ever. After the wakeup call from the hospital, people around me realized that I was in verge to die.

I was soon rushed to the hospital and admitted. I was running out of the most important part of my blood (platelets) it had come down to such a low level that, all my veins were narrowed. Nurses were struggling to get a vein to put me on IV. I was poked around at as many places at once.

My Blood pressure was running very low. My pulse had reached 30-34. I was hurried away under the Electrocardiography, Scanning, and x-ray within a span of 30 minutes.

I was shocked with the treatment that my body was receiving. The doctor recommended for an immediate transfusion, and advised the nurses to keep a closer eye on me. That moment, I felt like I was under the scanner to know even a minute change in me.

This transition in this one hour put me to a state which made me spooky. I realized that I was on the death bed and anything could happen now. I just wanted to hug my husband so tightly that all of my broken pieces would stick back together. I missed my mommy’s innocent, caring and lovely face. I was worried about my dad. I wanted to meet my best friends. With those thoughts I remembered that I had to meet my friends the next day for a get- together.

With those eternal thoughts, wishes and memories I felt like I was entering into the state of eternal rest. I just wanted say by last lovely words to my lovely people. It was on the verge of death, I could feel the every nano second of life.

I understood that Memories define us. Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives. I lived through it. I felt the verge of death…

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Verge of Death

The bedroom was filled with the heat of my restlessness. The room was dark; windows were closed so tightly, that not enough fresh air could pass in, even by delusion. I felt the rush of emergency in the room. Struggling to open my eyes, seeing through the heavy air around, I saw my mom’s face wondering and fostering to comfort me.

It was quite a relishing sight early in the morning. Struggling to breathe, I held her hand and asked her to take me home. Unfortunately, I got an improper reaction. Fighting against it, I adieu her. She left the room with tautness on her face.

Recollecting the stages of my illness, I fell asleep in no time. May be I went unconscious due to fatigue!!

Waking with the urge to throw up, I ran to the bathroom with my fragile steps.  The journey from my bed to the bathroom seemed electric. I could feel the death steps through each of my hurl. Holding to the nearby things, I just fell on the floor with blood spilled all over the floor and sink. My agonising pain alarmed my hubby through the walls and the floor. He came rushing towards me. It went hell on wheels for me to get over from it.

All the way through, I was just wavering from the fatality to life. I was torn apart due to my illness. The blood that was left in my food pipe, tongue could be felt with each and every inhale and retract.

I was rushed to the hospital for a blood test. I could hardly feel the reality; all the vehicles were moving in slow motion for me, with very low volume. I was floating in the air, with no active locomotive moments. It felt, as if I was losing the connection with the reality. I was travelling to a different world altogether, the light was too bright for me to open my eyes fully.

I was made to sit to draw blood for the test; though I could hardly see the pathologist, I could hear her trained words, which was trying to distract me from the needle prick. I wanted to make her aware that, I was way too ahead to be distracted, so that she can easily draw blood ; which I didn’t succeed in, unfortunately!

to be continued…

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